Moje babe (my babes)

Back to life, back to reality..

Feels good, in a way, to be back in Slovenia.
I feel so international :)
Little here, little there, jumping from one life to another.

It was good in Russia, like always. Lots of partying, alcohol, fun, pleasure, relaxation and of course it doesn't go without some problems.

Problems are, always have been, and will be. Fuck em

Soon......

I will see my baby tomorrow again! I'm so excited already :)
It's been a month since I've last been with her, but I feel almost like I'm meeting somebody whom I've never met before, like a person from my dreams. And she does appear in most of my dreams..

So I'm having great deal of problems with concentrating on my work today, im already flying in my mind :)

I'm thinking about hugs, and that calm feeling, which I miss so much when without her, that calm and pacifying feeling of having your dear one close to you..

Back to USSR

I'm going, again. To Russia, again. People must already think I'm crazy.. Well, I do too.
This cold country, which I despise and respect at the same time.. It's the land with a character. A very strong one, like people who live there. The feeling of going again is not like relaxing or something in this direction, quite exciting though. But still I'm drawn there.. By some force which I just can't understand.
I hope Slovenian fast mail won't fail tomorrow and I'll get my visa.

I've changed so much these days. I put another sense to my life.
Now I just have to wait if I'll still feel the same when I get back..

Current music: Nights in Wite Satin (I've been humbling it for last few hours:)

Oh, they have snow there already! Alot: "do huja"

How to prevent children from viewing certain sites on home computer

There are many sites on the net that are not apropriate for the children.
So I decided to make some of them unavailable on our home computer.
There are many ways to do this, I chose one quite simple and browser independent.

So you open file "hosts" (it has no ending). It's usually located in "c:\windows\system32\drivers\etc\hosts", this is default for windows XP.

So you open this file with some text editor, like Notepad and to the end of the file you can add some ip addresses and map them to certain domains.

For example I added this line:
192.168.0.123 www.livejournal.com

It means that all domain requests for livejournal.com will be redirected to ip stated above, which in my case is another computer in my local network with running web server.

And the results:




Then you can just hope that children won't read this post :)

Life is as good as we make it. Sometimes we're not happy and we blame others for it. Happiness is actually inside us, we just have to see it, and then we can make others happy too..
But one can't appreciate happiness if there's no sad, bad and unfortunate times.
So I'm happy for having all my problems, so I can be happy when I'm not having them.

2 19inch monitors finally give me enough of working space.. 

reflections

No matter how hard I try I can't be calm. Only when I'm distracted by my friends or by work.
I make her upset so she doesn't think of me and enjoys her vacation.
I try to do the same but I fail.
I know I'm pathetic, but knowing this doens't make me feel any better.
I envy her that she can be this way.
I'm not happy for good things I get, only upset for what I don't get.

Or maybe it's just hard to realise that I'm not able to enjoy my vacation without her anymore, and she perfectly is. Maybe it's hard to realise that I'm not needed to her as much as she is needed to me. I guess so. And that's upseting. I guess that's what it's all about.

I know I have no right for demanding this from her. And I know that I'm being stupid for making myself all this problems, because appart from this my life is going so well lately.

I have nothing to complain about except fot lack of attention from my loved one and for not having her with me. Which is the only problem in my life anyway.

And the absurd thing is, that all this written here, is only meant for her to read

Oral sex - 50€
Normal sex - 80€
Anal sex - 105€
Mastrubating - priceless

There are some things money can't buy. For everything else there's MasterCard.

Where`s my nurse
I need some healing
I`ve been paralysed
By a lack of feeling
I can`t even find
Anything worth stealing 

Me as a dolphin

 

The most beautiful girl in the world!

 

A joke :)

Ida {study} pravi:
a polish man comes into the office of a distinguished lawyer
Ida {study} pravi:
he says: i think my wife is trying to kill me
Ida {study} pravi:
(his wife is canadian)
Ida {study} pravi:
why do you think that?
Ida {study} pravi:
because i found something in the room and it says "polish remover" on it

Regrets

And then you regret you haven't been nicer and more understanding and made things easier for yourself and others.
You're sorry, and you hope things will be better. And you say to yourself "take it easy".

Time and love

First you miss, then you desperately miss, then you feel lonely, lonelier, a big void grows inside you, then kind of anger comes, you want something, you invent something you can't get and get angry for not getting it, you start to hate, you tell yourself you don't need anybody, you act indiferent, you play cold, you suffer, you pretend to be strong, that you don't care, it works...
Sometimes you want revenge, then you want to be good and decent. You wait for weakness and when it comes you take advantage of it. You know it's bad, you feel guilty but you have to stick to your point.
All because you want attention.
You feel betrayed and all nice words mean nothing because they seem empty and they come when it's too late.
You envy the ones who are self centered, self sufficient and happy.
You feel powerless, but don't give up. Never give up. Life goes one "with or without you"..
I despise Anna Karenina.
She goes to vacation without you and you feel the same as if she was cheating on you.

No messages from Egypt today :(

LCD rules ;)

I'm getting this baby deliverd today :)

Glavne tehnične lastnosti:
- tip: 19" TFT
- priporočena ločljivost: 1280 x 1024
- odzivni čas: 8 ms
- velikost točke: 0,294 mm
- svetilnost: 300 cd/m²
- kontrast 700:1
- vidni kot (H/V): 160°/160°
- horizontalne frekvence: 30 - 81 kHz
- vertikalne frekvence: 56 - 75 Hz
- pasovna širina: 140 MHz - 16,2 mio barv
- vmesnik: analogni, digitalni DVI
- TCO ´03
- Vesa Mount (možnost montaže na steno)
- teža: 5,5 kg
- Pivot funkcija
- garancija: 3 leta

Smoking kills!

I know it does, but it still doesn't prevent me from smoking a pack a day.
It's horrible, I've been smoking for ages now, but never so much. I already feel something in my lougns and thoath, but it still doesn't prevent me. I feel nervous and uneasy and strike of smoke helps about it. For a while. After that while I light another one.
Actually I'm going out to smoke right now...

The evening

Here we go again.. It would take alot of comforting for me to feel comfortable about my girlfriend being alone there in Egypt. Unfortunately I don't get any messages and I feel uncomfortable again.
If only I could not think about it.
To make it even, and of course out of principle, now I also have to go someplace without her. I just have to. Unfortunately all my friends are in couples and I definitely can't go alone with only couples.
Going completely alone.. I don't know..
Now it's evening there. Can a girl in early twenties be happy by just hanging out with her girlfriend and no guys? Isn't that boring? They can't just stay in room..
So she is having fun with some guys, most likely, and I'm in this damn room with this damn computer, cold outside, noplace to go, and nothing to do, but work.
I know I can't have fun on vacation if there's no sex. Or at least no girl, which makes things exciting. I don't see any point in just being by the sea and lying on the beach. Without sex this is quite boring.
I'm not clear with myself yet, why I feel so uncomfortable that she went. But I know that it will be hard to let it go.
And, as mean as I am, I'd be very glad if I could make her feel the way as I feel now..

Another early morning

Yesterday I had one of my anxiety attacs again. I wrote a long post, like reflections of this year.

Then I had to delete it, because I realised I confused march from last year with the one this year.
Good things always remain stronger in memory, and this year is all so vague. Most of memories are someplace in the mist and don't want to be brought out.

Early morning

It doensn't feel too nice to be first at work.

I'm thinking about Egypt, about coming week, which will feel even more lonely that usual, about my phone, where there will be no new messages. About LiveJournal, where there will be no post in english, about my work, which will occupy my mind, and hopefuly distract me enough, not to feel depressed.
Now it doesn't, it will be better when others come to work.
Early mornings and late evenings are the worst when one feels alone.

Left out

My girlfriend is going to vacation to Egypt tomorrow morning. Without me.

She told me today. First I was shocked, then I kinda hardly accepted it.

What hurts me is that she never consulted me about it. I wouldn't say "no", of course, but I would feel important about letting her go.

I don't want to talk to her before leaving.

It feels too weird. I don't want her to go without me. No, actually I don't want her to want to go without me.

I feel sad.

I bought 19 inch LCD monitor as compensation.

Lonely hours

It can get quite lonely living in a small village with no people you're close with. In such situation one is willing to do anything, forgive anything, let them do anything they want with you, just to get some tenderness, the cure for pain in the chest coused by feeling lonely.

Back home

So we came back. One feels much better after few beers.
I got a feeling today that Ptuj is damn small and there is barely any people. I so much wanna go to Petersburg again.. I hope I'm still welcome there :)

Work completed

For all code gurus, here's the solution:

";
if (isset($data["program"]["spored"][0]["dvorana"][$i]["film attr"]))
$st_filmov = 1;
else
$st_filmov = count($data["program"]["spored"][0]["dvorana"][$i]["film"]) / 2;
for ($j = 0;$j < $st_filmov;$j++) { if (isset($data["program"]["spored"][0]["dvorana"][$i]["film attr"]["naslov"])) { echo $data["program"]["spored"][0]["dvorana"][$i]["film attr"]["naslov"] . " ( "; $st_predstav = count($data["program"]["spored"][0]["dvorana"][$i]["film"]["predstave"]["predstava"]) / 2; } else { echo $data["program"]["spored"][0]["dvorana"][$i]["film"][$j." attr"]["naslov"]." ( "; $st_predstav = count($data["program"]["spored"][0]["dvorana"][$i]["film"][$j]["predstave"]["predstava"]) / 2; } for ($k = 0;$k < $st_predstav;$k++) { if (isset($data["program"]["spored"][0]["dvorana"][$i]["film"][$j]["predstave"]["predstava attr"]["ura"])) echo $data["program"]["spored"][0]["dvorana"][$i]["film"][$j]["predstave"]["predstava attr"]["ura"]; else { if(isset($data["program"]["spored"][0]["dvorana"][$i]["film"][$j]["predstave"]["predstava"][$k." attr"]["ura"])) echo $data["program"]["spored"][0]["dvorana"][$i]["film"][$j]["predstave"]["predstava"][$k." attr"]["ura"] . ", "; else echo $data["program"]["spored"][0]["dvorana"][$i]["film"]["predstave"]["predstava"][$k." attr"]["ura"] . ", "; } } echo ") "; } echo "

---

";
}
?>

So this code gets raw data from here and later I can reuse this data to display cinema information on my site. This code was pain in the ass! :)
The result can be seen here and here.
The design is horrible, but that wasn't my job..

REPLY PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I have already sent about 10, maybe 15 SMSes to you, and you didn't reply 1!!

I'm so annoyed!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Not mentioning that I called 10 times and nobody picked up the phone.. I'm afraid that your mum is tired of telling me that you're not home or you're sleeping or in bathroom or sick already..

yes you Katya!

I'm so angry, so I'm going out with my dear brother and have a beer. Maybe 2..

Nobody

Work is not going very well. So much time passed and I barely did anything. I'm trying to extract Cinnema scedule from XML and display it on other page. For cinemas all over slovenia.. Too much time wasted on this. There's Gladiator on TV.. :)
Ida is very excited about it, because Russel is so strong and wise and.. unshaven :)

Life goes on

Vacation is already far behind, seems even farther than it really is. Last trcaes of summer are completely gone. Actually even autumn is comming to the end soon. Weather is usually bad and wet, like this whole year.

And I, I'm very (very) busy. I've been working all days long these days. Almost every day pass midnight, and then to work next morning. It's not too tough, I'm not complaining really.

PHP coding has become rutine for me. I'm much faster now than I used to be. And I already know most of the trics, or at least I know how to learn something quickly, and where to find the information. I feel kinda of remorse that I have just specialized for PHP, MySQL, etc... There's plenty of work in this area of programming, but it's not paid as good as some others maybe. C++ experts get more, I believe. And I have already forgot most of my Java and C++ skills.

Today I've also got one project to finish, some portal full of information collected from other sites by RSS, XML.. I'll publish the link when it's online.
Then tomorrow, I've got an upgrade for internet video rental, which I made. Then also tomorrow I have to finish www.vet4you.com . Very complex page, we're already working on it for half a year..

Then maybe, if it's not raining, tomorrow I'm going to my friend's "grape-picking". In Slovenia this is a big thing. Usually there's lots of people, lots of food, and of course alot of wine. Some relaxation wouldn't hurt me. And there's of course a party after it - squizing every drop out of grapes and baking chestnuts on the fire, talking, smoking, drinking, laoughing..

I'm also already looking forward to my next vacation in November. We haven't decided where to go yet, maybe Italy. Well choosing is also exciting :)

And then for New Years to Piter! I hope. I haven't been there since.. hmm.. long time.

To work now..

She is so beautiful. I can't stop stareing at her.. And she's got a voice of an angel. She smells like one too.

One day I will wake up and she won't be sleeping in my bed next to me. And all this will feel like it was just a dream..

Another meeting¸

My dear is coming today. I'm soon leaving to airport to meet her. I feel nervous.
I guess that after few minutes with her, I will know. I will know if this meeting is our last one..

Monster in law

Seen this movie yesterday. I didn't like it, and didn't even finish watching it. There was Star Wars II on TV :)
Haven't watched new Hollywood movies lately. By watching this one I asume I haven't missed much. Jane Fonda is Jennifer Lopez's mother in law.. Jennifer is good though, but this kind of movies make me sick. Everyone is very rich there, living in perfect house, perfect car, perfect carier, everyting god damn perfect. Who cares if she's a bitch.
Do not recommend this movie.

Life goes on

I realised I'm too damn sensitive. Worked on it for last 2 days and progress is noticeable. I feel fine.

»Ko bi govoril človeške in angelske jezike, ljubezni pa bi ne imel, sem brneč bron ali zveneče cimbale. In ko bi imel dar preroštva in ko bi poznal vse skrivnosti in imel vso vednost in ko bi imel vso vero, da bi gore prestavljal, ljubezni pa ne bi imel, nisem nič. In ko bi razdal vse svoje imetje in ko bi žrtvoval svoje telo, da bi zgorel, pa ne bi imel ljubezni, mi nič ne koristi.« (1. Kor.13, 1-4).

Feels weird to quote Bible, but this popular verse from St. Paul's letter came to my mind. The messege is, that if he could move mountains, etc. .. if he had everything, but he had no love, he's nothing.

I was telling the same thing to myself, and putting "love" above all. My definition of love is different than Paul's, though. He meant love as when you love others, for me love is when I'm loved by others..

Things that are happening to me lately seem so unnatural and untrue. Fake. But they're still happening. Is it all just pretence, or can it all be true?

Today my mind is clear. I can work with a very impressive tempo. I feel proud and strong. I feel fine..

Tough times

I'm going trough very tough period of my life. I feel depressed almost every minute when I'm alone. I don't remeber when I was last completely relaxed and feeling careless. I feel it is not good for my health.
In a week I'm going to vacation to Africa, I never even think about it. Like I don't really beliave it's really going to happen.
"My girl" is coming soon too. She's more like some distant friend than anything else.
When I get home from work today, I have to go someplace with bike again. Now I don't really feel like, but I know then when cycling I will forget all my troubles when going up some hill..

On saturday we're going with my cycling buddies on tour. It's going to be offroad. 15 km uphil and then quite dangeours downhill. I don't really care if I get injured.

I am currently employed for one firm, and I'm also in cooperation with 3 others, and besides all this I have some private projects. It doesn't mean I have alot of money. It only means alot of phone calls and it keeps my mind occupied all the time. I like that.

I don't read lately. Or watch TV. I hope I passed the exam. Then I can go on working on my diploma. Well, start working on it actually. At least I have practical part of it already done, and my knowledge about the subject is good.

At least the weather in September is very nice. Perfect day for cycling..

Today I did some organizing. I have tough exam on 6th of September, just collected all the material for it, and there's a whole bunch. I've made a list of my unfinished projects, which I do besides work, there's seven of them. I have one tough project at work to finish, which is caousing me lots of problems and nerves. I have to finish diploma by end of this year, and I have vacation soon, of which I'm not even looking forward of.
My relationship with a girl I still love, is coming to an end, I feel unaesy and nervous most of the time. Tomorrow I signed up for a cycling marathon, 70 kilometers long, whichg I'm not sure I can manage.
The weather sux.


Material for my next exam..

Grapes

Grapes are getting rape. These are just brought from our wineyard, not completely ripe yet..
It was a bad year for wine. First it wasn't warm enough, and there was too much humidity. Humidity results in many diesases. Then there are birds who are eating grapes just as they're getting ripe. And deers, they also made a big damage..

Making wine is a hard business.

Jabolčni štrudl (Apfelschtrudel)

"Štrudl" made by my mother. It's desert very traditional for Slovenia, it's also Austrian traditional food. It's made od dough with apple filling. Tasty stuff.

"Miss You Like Crazy"

I miss you like the sky misses the birds I miss you like a song without the words And everyday away from you it hurts 'Cause I'm missing you like crazy I miss you like the sun misses the day I need you like the desert needs the rain And baby it's driving me insane 'Cause I'm missing you like crazy I'm missing you like crazy

Picnic

We had a family picnic, it was my grandfather's birtday. 86th.

My grandfather used to be very tough guy, not showing any emotions and like that.. It was very touchy to see, when his eyes got wet, when we sang him "happy birthday". It must be nice, when so much people come together, and they all come from you. Your sons, doughters, their families, grandsons, grand-grand sons ... They all exist because of him. Me afteral.

I tried to look happy, though I feel like I'm collapsing inside.
I don't understand people, or myself. I never believed such problems could accur to me, I thouht my love life is so pure, special, it can't be shaken or ruined.
Now it is happening to me too. My world is falling apart.

I call her very often, only too see if her tone would change, if she'd show me that tenderness, which only she can. I can sense it right away, even if it's not on purpose. Then a huge stone, what stone - a mountain would fall of my heart.

Batinki

Happy people..

..

I've discoveresd a new passion. Cycling!
How do you like my new bike? ;) It's Trek 4500 Alpha. So far I'm quite happy with it. Can't wait to try it out on some downhill rough ride :P

The roses from another perspective..

Aren't they nice? Huge bush of wild roses by our house. It's awesome this year.

The man in me

The man in me will do nearly any task,
And as for compensation, there's little he would ask.
Take a woman like you
To get through to the man in me.

Storm clouds are raging all around my door,
I think to myself I might not take it any more.
Take a woman like your kind
To find the man in me.

But, oh, what a wonderful feeling
Just to know that you are near,
Sets my a heart a-reeling
From my toes up to my ears.

The man in me will hide sometimes to keep from bein' seen,
But that's just because he doesn't want to turn into some machine.
Took a woman like you
To get through to the man in me.

(c) Bob Dylan

Venice of north - St. Petersburg

Magical sunset on the highway to the unknown

House in Ptuj. Smoke coming out of a chimney is actually line left by airplane

Some more flowers. These are called "Mačehe" which means "Step-mothers". I don't really know why.

Some poerty. Written by promissing young Slovene poet, Janez Podhostnik.

Women

Women - can't live with them, and can't live without them.

So true. Seems like I'll have to try living without her. Can't see how, though.. I really can't see

Daddy's got new shoes ;)

Narcisa

Nature coming to life.

I was so exited about snow, and now I'm even more about spring.
Nature around me is arousing real pleasure in me. I guess it's the sign I'm getting older ;)

Flying

As you know, birds do not have sexual organs because they would
interfere with flight. [In fact, this was the big breakthrough for the
Wright Brothers. They were watching birds one day, trying to figure
out how to get their crude machine to fly, when suddenly it dawned on
Wilbur. "Orville," he said, "all we have to do is remove the sexual
organs!" You should have seen their original design.] As a result,
birds are very, very difficult to arouse sexually. You almost never
see an aroused bird. So when they want to reproduce, birds fly up and
stand on telephone lines, where they monitor telephone conversations
with their feet. When they find a conversation in which people are
talking dirty, they grip the line very tightly until they are both
highly aroused, at which point the female gets pregnant.
-- Dave Barry, "Sex and the Single Amoeba: What Every
Teen Should Know"

Spring is here

When I was a bit younger ;)

fixing new comp. Unix installation :P (FreeBSD)

The biggest snow man in Slovenia. It took 3 days for 12 people to build it, they had 3 tractors and special equipment for snow suply.. Beauty, huh? ;)

Huge snow-man in final stage of building. More pictures tomorrow morning in morning light ;)

Huge snow man

I shave my pussy

It's a great snow season at the end of this winter.

Beautiful day

It's been a beautiful day :)

feelings

I was feeling inscure
You might not love me anymore
I was shivering inside
I was shivering inside

Me as a phone wallpaper. In some eastern countries I'm very popular..

Life

---- because of too depressive content post was deleted ---

my best friend :=)

Mičo's 25th b'day party

Here you can find some photos.

It was pretty crazy, and today I feel like I've been poisoned :)

I'm not sorry though, it was a nice party

She got sterilized.. Now poor thing has to wear this horrible thing around her neck

Funny picture of me and my brother :)

Last pile of snow

we're having strange visitors lately..

Little, middle and big Zorro

I got kinda excited about snow.. It's my every-day drive to work. At this same turn my father wrecked his Mazda, coming from other direction.. You see where the fence ends.. right there he jumped off the road fliping the car over ..

remote street in Ptuj.

I wake up, open the door, and woow. Snow! So much of it! Coool ;)

Ptuj covered with snow.

chicken god

Donation flyer..

My friend's invitation to his 30th b'day party :)