Picnic

We had a family picnic, it was my grandfather's birtday. 86th.

My grandfather used to be very tough guy, not showing any emotions and like that.. It was very touchy to see, when his eyes got wet, when we sang him "happy birthday". It must be nice, when so much people come together, and they all come from you. Your sons, doughters, their families, grandsons, grand-grand sons ... They all exist because of him. Me afteral.

I tried to look happy, though I feel like I'm collapsing inside.
I don't understand people, or myself. I never believed such problems could accur to me, I thouht my love life is so pure, special, it can't be shaken or ruined.
Now it is happening to me too. My world is falling apart.

I call her very often, only too see if her tone would change, if she'd show me that tenderness, which only she can. I can sense it right away, even if it's not on purpose. Then a huge stone, what stone - a mountain would fall of my heart.