reflections

No matter how hard I try I can't be calm. Only when I'm distracted by my friends or by work.
I make her upset so she doesn't think of me and enjoys her vacation.
I try to do the same but I fail.
I know I'm pathetic, but knowing this doens't make me feel any better.
I envy her that she can be this way.
I'm not happy for good things I get, only upset for what I don't get.

Or maybe it's just hard to realise that I'm not able to enjoy my vacation without her anymore, and she perfectly is. Maybe it's hard to realise that I'm not needed to her as much as she is needed to me. I guess so. And that's upseting. I guess that's what it's all about.

I know I have no right for demanding this from her. And I know that I'm being stupid for making myself all this problems, because appart from this my life is going so well lately.

I have nothing to complain about except fot lack of attention from my loved one and for not having her with me. Which is the only problem in my life anyway.

And the absurd thing is, that all this written here, is only meant for her to read