Good old memories

Suddenly thought of Rome. Of our walk trough the city park called Villa Borhese, if I'm not mistaken. It's already year and a half since then. Man, time passes by quickly.
I remember that walk so well, it was so hot, beautiful day. And you looked so beautiful, incredibly sexy. Incredibly. With that violet skirt and green tight top, sun beams on your skin. So beautiful. When I watched you pour watter from park fountain my heart was smiling so wide, such beauty walking in a perfect day in a gorgeous city, with me.

 

Good bye two ou five

It's all pure white, everything covered with snow, so beautiful. I feel like skiing. Haven't skied for 5 years or so, now I got really exicted about it again. Have to buy complete skiing equipment, since my old is already too obsolete. Can't wait.

My coworker programmer got an offer at another firm and he accepted it. It means alot more work for me, since I'll be only programmer now.. Not too excited about it, even if my salary will go up. My work never felt like too serious and tough. I like it this way. It was so flexible, becasue I could just go someplace for 2 weeks when I thought of it, and nobody minded. Now this will change too I guess, and there will be bigger responsibility on me.

Started visiting fitness center regulary, for the first time in my life, and I like it. Feels good to do something for yourself, and I already feel I'm getting stronger :)

Going to Brno tomorrow and I'm already quite excited about it. The agency still haven't sent the programme and I have no idea what is organised there, where we'll be staying or where will we be for new year's night. But that's even better. To have no expectations, just go for it with light heart and taking it easy. Open for everything. I think it will be nice. Hurray.

Almost 2006

New year's is drawing near. I've got an answer to "And where will you be for new year's" question, and it's Brno.

I was already about to spend it alone, in car, driving, listening to radio, and just driving, without destination, maybe to Ljubljana to see mindnight fireworks or something.
But then 2 guys cancelled full bus to Brno, and now i can join my frineds there. I think it will be good. Party, alcohol (alot of it) and sightseeing. Like in old times. And I think it's better than being alone anyway. Hope it won't be as bad as my last New Year's of this kind, in Budva, where I was too drunk too even see years chganging, I was already lying drunk someplace in the club, not remembering anything..
Then my last 2 New Year's were just wonderful.

I'm still not used to the idea of being single, and still can't see myself with any other girl.

I just have to stop feeling sorry for myslef, and things will turn out well, I know.

Back to "work" and to making money for "future". Or, whatever.

joke

This must be the funniest blonde joke ever :))

Blogspotting

Choose your life. Choose blogging. Choose a hosting service. Choose TypePad or WordPress or some other piss you off blogware. Choose to alienate several friends, cow-orkers and other people you think you know.
Choose to navel gaze. Choose to analyse yourself almost to death. Choose an inane topic and beat it to death with pedantry. Choose to spout off political commentary like someone will actually listen. Choose to sound like you’re someone important, just like the other self-important ‘me-too!’ fuckwads wasting bandwith right along with you. Choose Google Ad Sense so we know you’re in it “for love”.
Choose comment flamewars lasting long into the night. Choose blogspam.
Choose wasting your life chasing after that elusive posting that will make you a ‘journalist’, pissing your hopes and dreams down the drain in an on-line ego trip. Choose your future.
Choose blogspotting.

Panthonimic game

"There're two words.." 

behind the scenes

Party's over, and so is my birthday mood. I'm typing this with my new keyboard which I got for present. Just the one I wanted, thanx guys :)
Party tunred out well, pantonimic game we played made me laugh so much that whole my face hurt. And today my head does from all the wine.. :)

I barely slept and I feel quite lousy today. I don't like sundays in genereal. I'm bored and there's nothing much to do here. And I do not feel like working.

Slovenia can be a very nice place to live, but not if you're alone. Gets lonely.
I'm meeting my frinends so often, that I'm already afraid we'll get tired of each other.

When lying on bed doing nothing, listening to nice music, one can't avoid thoughts bursting into your head. Unfortunately.

My condition can't be cured. I can only get distracted for a while. Maybe new girlfriend would help, but I'm not attracted to any woman right now. It takes it's time. And I'm not very patient. I don't feel like I'm living, I just feel time passing by, and getting older every day.. I don't see much sense in life lately. We just wait, do stuff, time passes by, we get older, eventually we die. That's it. It doesn't really matter if we're having fun or whatever, time will pass by anyway, and we'll die in any case. Why bother.

I was thinking of a new start, someplace. I though about moving to Australia, I heard they arrange jobs there. I do need my diploma, which is still very in begining phase. Damn it. Not having diploma yet has been excuse for not doing so many things already. I'm ashamed of myself. And all this work never ends and I never get around to really dedicating my time to it.

Still listening to Susheela Raman, downloaded all her albums, and it's just perfect sunday calm music.

And then this damn New Year's. I hate those questions about where I'm going.

I'm not welcome there.

You're not welcome. "I don't think it's a good idea". My god.

Birthday

I turned 26 yesterday.

Happy birthday to myself! I wish me luck in love!

It's not so happy really. One can't be too happy when person who is supposed to love you all your life suddenly says she doesn't anymore - no matter how you look at it.

There are few very lonely months in front of me.
I must forget and start over. Begining is always the hardest.

music

Susheela Raman - What silence said

love it

Supergirl

You can tell by the way, she walks that she's my girl
You can tell by the way, she talks that she rules the world.
You can see in her eyes that no one is her chain.
She's my girl, my supergirl.

When you're told not to think of someone, exactly the opposite happens.

Going to see this movie.

Burn baby, burn

I put up an artistic insatllment today. I burnt a sofa. Not just any sofa, it was my smoking sofa. It was on terase for years, to sit on when I had a smoke. I felt weird burning it. I get attached to things, but some just got to be removed sometimes, for good.
I was standing by the fire watching it, like hypnotised.
Now it's gone.

Rest in peace.

Reflections on November

Special moments, the ones that stay in your mind, the ones you really appreciate, the ones that you always love to remember because they mean alot, the ones that make life worth living.
Holding hands with your loved one walking the streets of a beautiful city, kisses and gentle talk on the escalator to the metro, watching Lock, stock and two smoking barrels with her in your lap explaining her what the "amp" is, watching her eat horrible food in McDonald's with way too many calories, meeting on the street after a bad argument- hugging and feeling relieved, having an erotic photo session with her best girlfriend, making her coffee in the evening and hearing "thank you" for it, buying her her favourite parfume, having a nap in the middle of the day hugged - arms and legs interlaced - feeling her breath when sleeping, carrying her from room to room becasue she got too drunk to walk, having dinner at her granny's, touching hands while having coffee with guys, laughing back to your life which is better than god damn Santa Barbara, hugging her mum because you did something stupid, eating pancakes with cheese outside, learning new words like "zhest" and "gobniki" and new meaning of "meso", runing to the street in underpants at 5 AM in winter.

Yea, those and many more, were the moments that will remain. Let's drink for more to come! Cheers

The man in me

He feeds on love. He can't tell imaginary love from real one. It's all the same to him.
Two days ago he stopped being fed. Now the bastard is torturing me, he wants his dose. He just won't let it go, he's addicted, he's making me sick, taking my appetite, taking my smile, my peace. He's triggering my mind, making me go hunt for it. I fail. He won't let go, bastard..
Somday, out of hunger, he will die. I'm affraid that part of me will die with him as well.

blank_

Walking in a winter wonderland..

Two things are new, we've got snow again (huray), and I've got new winter shoes :)



Kayta, how do you like my new shoes? :)

Your Birthdate: December 16

You're incredibly introverted and introspective. You live inside your head. You spend a lot of alone time meditating and thinking. People see you as withdrawn, and at times they are right. You are caring and deep, but it may be difficult for you to show this side of yourself. Your strength: Your original approach to thinking Your weakness: You tend to shy away from others Your power color: Pale blue Your power symbol: Wavy line Your power month: July

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

The logical song

When I was young, it seemed that life was so wonderful,
A miracle, oh it was beautiful, magical.
And all the birds in the trees, well they’d be singing so happily,
Joyfully, playfully watching me.
But then they send me away to teach me how to be sensible,
Logical, responsible, practical.
And they showed me a world where I could be so dependable,
Clinical, intellectual, cynical.

There are times when all the world’s asleep,
The questions run too deep
For such a simple man.
Won’t you please, please tell me what we’ve learned
I know it sounds absurd
But please tell me who I am.

You might think I'm crazy
But I'm still in love with you

Call me up, baby, and I will answer your call
Call me up but remember I am no use to you at all

Trip to Litija

I love trains. I traveled by train to a small town, quite near Ljubljana, called Litija, on business - to have a presentation of a new touristic portal (still in development) we have developed. Scenery there is real nice. It was partially sunny and fogy, I enjoyed train ride so much watching the landscape out of the window. On days like this I really love my work. I have met many very nice people, all open to have a conversation. People in such small idilic towns are so nice.. And Slovenia keeps on amazes me by it's beauty.

New computer center

As a birthday present for my father's 50th birthday we made him a computer center.
Everything, with a desk, permanent unlimited internet access, etc..

Now there's already 4 computers in our home network. Pretty cool :). If feels a bit weird, though, to have my mother on messenger :)

Abraham - my father turns 50

50. Quite an age.
Party was very nice.

Congratulations, father. Happy birthday.

St. Martin's day

Yesteraday there was St. Martin's day. It's a day, when at midnight grape juice turns to wine.
This holiday is widely celebrated all over Slovenia, we are a wine country afterall..

It's also a day when half of Slovenia gets drunk :)
Drunks give bad name to a wine, though. Lately I appreciate wine very much. It's not just a beverage. Wine is much more..

When drinking a good wine, one can feel all the labour put in it. So many things, so much knowledge, attention, hard labour, experience, patience, luck, good weather, etc, is required to make a good bottle of wine. If one knows all that you just can't be cold when drinking it.

I love good wine. Drinking it with good people is one of the top 10 on my like-to-do things..

Moje babe (my babes)

Back to life, back to reality..

Feels good, in a way, to be back in Slovenia.
I feel so international :)
Little here, little there, jumping from one life to another.

It was good in Russia, like always. Lots of partying, alcohol, fun, pleasure, relaxation and of course it doesn't go without some problems.

Problems are, always have been, and will be. Fuck em

Soon......

I will see my baby tomorrow again! I'm so excited already :)
It's been a month since I've last been with her, but I feel almost like I'm meeting somebody whom I've never met before, like a person from my dreams. And she does appear in most of my dreams..

So I'm having great deal of problems with concentrating on my work today, im already flying in my mind :)

I'm thinking about hugs, and that calm feeling, which I miss so much when without her, that calm and pacifying feeling of having your dear one close to you..

Back to USSR

I'm going, again. To Russia, again. People must already think I'm crazy.. Well, I do too.
This cold country, which I despise and respect at the same time.. It's the land with a character. A very strong one, like people who live there. The feeling of going again is not like relaxing or something in this direction, quite exciting though. But still I'm drawn there.. By some force which I just can't understand.
I hope Slovenian fast mail won't fail tomorrow and I'll get my visa.

I've changed so much these days. I put another sense to my life.
Now I just have to wait if I'll still feel the same when I get back..

Current music: Nights in Wite Satin (I've been humbling it for last few hours:)

Oh, they have snow there already! Alot: "do huja"

How to prevent children from viewing certain sites on home computer

There are many sites on the net that are not apropriate for the children.
So I decided to make some of them unavailable on our home computer.
There are many ways to do this, I chose one quite simple and browser independent.

So you open file "hosts" (it has no ending). It's usually located in "c:\windows\system32\drivers\etc\hosts", this is default for windows XP.

So you open this file with some text editor, like Notepad and to the end of the file you can add some ip addresses and map them to certain domains.

For example I added this line:
192.168.0.123 www.livejournal.com

It means that all domain requests for livejournal.com will be redirected to ip stated above, which in my case is another computer in my local network with running web server.

And the results:




Then you can just hope that children won't read this post :)

Life is as good as we make it. Sometimes we're not happy and we blame others for it. Happiness is actually inside us, we just have to see it, and then we can make others happy too..
But one can't appreciate happiness if there's no sad, bad and unfortunate times.
So I'm happy for having all my problems, so I can be happy when I'm not having them.

2 19inch monitors finally give me enough of working space.. 

reflections

No matter how hard I try I can't be calm. Only when I'm distracted by my friends or by work.
I make her upset so she doesn't think of me and enjoys her vacation.
I try to do the same but I fail.
I know I'm pathetic, but knowing this doens't make me feel any better.
I envy her that she can be this way.
I'm not happy for good things I get, only upset for what I don't get.

Or maybe it's just hard to realise that I'm not able to enjoy my vacation without her anymore, and she perfectly is. Maybe it's hard to realise that I'm not needed to her as much as she is needed to me. I guess so. And that's upseting. I guess that's what it's all about.

I know I have no right for demanding this from her. And I know that I'm being stupid for making myself all this problems, because appart from this my life is going so well lately.

I have nothing to complain about except fot lack of attention from my loved one and for not having her with me. Which is the only problem in my life anyway.

And the absurd thing is, that all this written here, is only meant for her to read

Oral sex - 50€
Normal sex - 80€
Anal sex - 105€
Mastrubating - priceless

There are some things money can't buy. For everything else there's MasterCard.

Where`s my nurse
I need some healing
I`ve been paralysed
By a lack of feeling
I can`t even find
Anything worth stealing 

Me as a dolphin

 

The most beautiful girl in the world!

 

A joke :)

Ida {study} pravi:
a polish man comes into the office of a distinguished lawyer
Ida {study} pravi:
he says: i think my wife is trying to kill me
Ida {study} pravi:
(his wife is canadian)
Ida {study} pravi:
why do you think that?
Ida {study} pravi:
because i found something in the room and it says "polish remover" on it

Regrets

And then you regret you haven't been nicer and more understanding and made things easier for yourself and others.
You're sorry, and you hope things will be better. And you say to yourself "take it easy".

Time and love

First you miss, then you desperately miss, then you feel lonely, lonelier, a big void grows inside you, then kind of anger comes, you want something, you invent something you can't get and get angry for not getting it, you start to hate, you tell yourself you don't need anybody, you act indiferent, you play cold, you suffer, you pretend to be strong, that you don't care, it works...
Sometimes you want revenge, then you want to be good and decent. You wait for weakness and when it comes you take advantage of it. You know it's bad, you feel guilty but you have to stick to your point.
All because you want attention.
You feel betrayed and all nice words mean nothing because they seem empty and they come when it's too late.
You envy the ones who are self centered, self sufficient and happy.
You feel powerless, but don't give up. Never give up. Life goes one "with or without you"..
I despise Anna Karenina.
She goes to vacation without you and you feel the same as if she was cheating on you.

No messages from Egypt today :(

LCD rules ;)

I'm getting this baby deliverd today :)

Glavne tehnične lastnosti:
- tip: 19" TFT
- priporočena ločljivost: 1280 x 1024
- odzivni čas: 8 ms
- velikost točke: 0,294 mm
- svetilnost: 300 cd/m²
- kontrast 700:1
- vidni kot (H/V): 160°/160°
- horizontalne frekvence: 30 - 81 kHz
- vertikalne frekvence: 56 - 75 Hz
- pasovna širina: 140 MHz - 16,2 mio barv
- vmesnik: analogni, digitalni DVI
- TCO ´03
- Vesa Mount (možnost montaže na steno)
- teža: 5,5 kg
- Pivot funkcija
- garancija: 3 leta

Smoking kills!

I know it does, but it still doesn't prevent me from smoking a pack a day.
It's horrible, I've been smoking for ages now, but never so much. I already feel something in my lougns and thoath, but it still doesn't prevent me. I feel nervous and uneasy and strike of smoke helps about it. For a while. After that while I light another one.
Actually I'm going out to smoke right now...

The evening

Here we go again.. It would take alot of comforting for me to feel comfortable about my girlfriend being alone there in Egypt. Unfortunately I don't get any messages and I feel uncomfortable again.
If only I could not think about it.
To make it even, and of course out of principle, now I also have to go someplace without her. I just have to. Unfortunately all my friends are in couples and I definitely can't go alone with only couples.
Going completely alone.. I don't know..
Now it's evening there. Can a girl in early twenties be happy by just hanging out with her girlfriend and no guys? Isn't that boring? They can't just stay in room..
So she is having fun with some guys, most likely, and I'm in this damn room with this damn computer, cold outside, noplace to go, and nothing to do, but work.
I know I can't have fun on vacation if there's no sex. Or at least no girl, which makes things exciting. I don't see any point in just being by the sea and lying on the beach. Without sex this is quite boring.
I'm not clear with myself yet, why I feel so uncomfortable that she went. But I know that it will be hard to let it go.
And, as mean as I am, I'd be very glad if I could make her feel the way as I feel now..

Another early morning

Yesterday I had one of my anxiety attacs again. I wrote a long post, like reflections of this year.

Then I had to delete it, because I realised I confused march from last year with the one this year.
Good things always remain stronger in memory, and this year is all so vague. Most of memories are someplace in the mist and don't want to be brought out.

Early morning

It doensn't feel too nice to be first at work.

I'm thinking about Egypt, about coming week, which will feel even more lonely that usual, about my phone, where there will be no new messages. About LiveJournal, where there will be no post in english, about my work, which will occupy my mind, and hopefuly distract me enough, not to feel depressed.
Now it doesn't, it will be better when others come to work.
Early mornings and late evenings are the worst when one feels alone.

Left out

My girlfriend is going to vacation to Egypt tomorrow morning. Without me.

She told me today. First I was shocked, then I kinda hardly accepted it.

What hurts me is that she never consulted me about it. I wouldn't say "no", of course, but I would feel important about letting her go.

I don't want to talk to her before leaving.

It feels too weird. I don't want her to go without me. No, actually I don't want her to want to go without me.

I feel sad.

I bought 19 inch LCD monitor as compensation.

Lonely hours

It can get quite lonely living in a small village with no people you're close with. In such situation one is willing to do anything, forgive anything, let them do anything they want with you, just to get some tenderness, the cure for pain in the chest coused by feeling lonely.

Back home

So we came back. One feels much better after few beers.
I got a feeling today that Ptuj is damn small and there is barely any people. I so much wanna go to Petersburg again.. I hope I'm still welcome there :)

Work completed

For all code gurus, here's the solution:

";
if (isset($data["program"]["spored"][0]["dvorana"][$i]["film attr"]))
$st_filmov = 1;
else
$st_filmov = count($data["program"]["spored"][0]["dvorana"][$i]["film"]) / 2;
for ($j = 0;$j < $st_filmov;$j++) { if (isset($data["program"]["spored"][0]["dvorana"][$i]["film attr"]["naslov"])) { echo $data["program"]["spored"][0]["dvorana"][$i]["film attr"]["naslov"] . " ( "; $st_predstav = count($data["program"]["spored"][0]["dvorana"][$i]["film"]["predstave"]["predstava"]) / 2; } else { echo $data["program"]["spored"][0]["dvorana"][$i]["film"][$j." attr"]["naslov"]." ( "; $st_predstav = count($data["program"]["spored"][0]["dvorana"][$i]["film"][$j]["predstave"]["predstava"]) / 2; } for ($k = 0;$k < $st_predstav;$k++) { if (isset($data["program"]["spored"][0]["dvorana"][$i]["film"][$j]["predstave"]["predstava attr"]["ura"])) echo $data["program"]["spored"][0]["dvorana"][$i]["film"][$j]["predstave"]["predstava attr"]["ura"]; else { if(isset($data["program"]["spored"][0]["dvorana"][$i]["film"][$j]["predstave"]["predstava"][$k." attr"]["ura"])) echo $data["program"]["spored"][0]["dvorana"][$i]["film"][$j]["predstave"]["predstava"][$k." attr"]["ura"] . ", "; else echo $data["program"]["spored"][0]["dvorana"][$i]["film"]["predstave"]["predstava"][$k." attr"]["ura"] . ", "; } } echo ") "; } echo "

---

";
}
?>

So this code gets raw data from here and later I can reuse this data to display cinema information on my site. This code was pain in the ass! :)
The result can be seen here and here.
The design is horrible, but that wasn't my job..

REPLY PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I have already sent about 10, maybe 15 SMSes to you, and you didn't reply 1!!

I'm so annoyed!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Not mentioning that I called 10 times and nobody picked up the phone.. I'm afraid that your mum is tired of telling me that you're not home or you're sleeping or in bathroom or sick already..

yes you Katya!

I'm so angry, so I'm going out with my dear brother and have a beer. Maybe 2..

Nobody

Work is not going very well. So much time passed and I barely did anything. I'm trying to extract Cinnema scedule from XML and display it on other page. For cinemas all over slovenia.. Too much time wasted on this. There's Gladiator on TV.. :)
Ida is very excited about it, because Russel is so strong and wise and.. unshaven :)

Life goes on

Vacation is already far behind, seems even farther than it really is. Last trcaes of summer are completely gone. Actually even autumn is comming to the end soon. Weather is usually bad and wet, like this whole year.

And I, I'm very (very) busy. I've been working all days long these days. Almost every day pass midnight, and then to work next morning. It's not too tough, I'm not complaining really.

PHP coding has become rutine for me. I'm much faster now than I used to be. And I already know most of the trics, or at least I know how to learn something quickly, and where to find the information. I feel kinda of remorse that I have just specialized for PHP, MySQL, etc... There's plenty of work in this area of programming, but it's not paid as good as some others maybe. C++ experts get more, I believe. And I have already forgot most of my Java and C++ skills.

Today I've also got one project to finish, some portal full of information collected from other sites by RSS, XML.. I'll publish the link when it's online.
Then tomorrow, I've got an upgrade for internet video rental, which I made. Then also tomorrow I have to finish www.vet4you.com . Very complex page, we're already working on it for half a year..

Then maybe, if it's not raining, tomorrow I'm going to my friend's "grape-picking". In Slovenia this is a big thing. Usually there's lots of people, lots of food, and of course alot of wine. Some relaxation wouldn't hurt me. And there's of course a party after it - squizing every drop out of grapes and baking chestnuts on the fire, talking, smoking, drinking, laoughing..

I'm also already looking forward to my next vacation in November. We haven't decided where to go yet, maybe Italy. Well choosing is also exciting :)

And then for New Years to Piter! I hope. I haven't been there since.. hmm.. long time.

To work now..

She is so beautiful. I can't stop stareing at her.. And she's got a voice of an angel. She smells like one too.

One day I will wake up and she won't be sleeping in my bed next to me. And all this will feel like it was just a dream..

Another meeting¸

My dear is coming today. I'm soon leaving to airport to meet her. I feel nervous.
I guess that after few minutes with her, I will know. I will know if this meeting is our last one..

Monster in law

Seen this movie yesterday. I didn't like it, and didn't even finish watching it. There was Star Wars II on TV :)
Haven't watched new Hollywood movies lately. By watching this one I asume I haven't missed much. Jane Fonda is Jennifer Lopez's mother in law.. Jennifer is good though, but this kind of movies make me sick. Everyone is very rich there, living in perfect house, perfect car, perfect carier, everyting god damn perfect. Who cares if she's a bitch.
Do not recommend this movie.

Life goes on

I realised I'm too damn sensitive. Worked on it for last 2 days and progress is noticeable. I feel fine.

»Ko bi govoril človeške in angelske jezike, ljubezni pa bi ne imel, sem brneč bron ali zveneče cimbale. In ko bi imel dar preroštva in ko bi poznal vse skrivnosti in imel vso vednost in ko bi imel vso vero, da bi gore prestavljal, ljubezni pa ne bi imel, nisem nič. In ko bi razdal vse svoje imetje in ko bi žrtvoval svoje telo, da bi zgorel, pa ne bi imel ljubezni, mi nič ne koristi.« (1. Kor.13, 1-4).

Feels weird to quote Bible, but this popular verse from St. Paul's letter came to my mind. The messege is, that if he could move mountains, etc. .. if he had everything, but he had no love, he's nothing.

I was telling the same thing to myself, and putting "love" above all. My definition of love is different than Paul's, though. He meant love as when you love others, for me love is when I'm loved by others..

Things that are happening to me lately seem so unnatural and untrue. Fake. But they're still happening. Is it all just pretence, or can it all be true?

Today my mind is clear. I can work with a very impressive tempo. I feel proud and strong. I feel fine..

Tough times

I'm going trough very tough period of my life. I feel depressed almost every minute when I'm alone. I don't remeber when I was last completely relaxed and feeling careless. I feel it is not good for my health.
In a week I'm going to vacation to Africa, I never even think about it. Like I don't really beliave it's really going to happen.
"My girl" is coming soon too. She's more like some distant friend than anything else.
When I get home from work today, I have to go someplace with bike again. Now I don't really feel like, but I know then when cycling I will forget all my troubles when going up some hill..

On saturday we're going with my cycling buddies on tour. It's going to be offroad. 15 km uphil and then quite dangeours downhill. I don't really care if I get injured.

I am currently employed for one firm, and I'm also in cooperation with 3 others, and besides all this I have some private projects. It doesn't mean I have alot of money. It only means alot of phone calls and it keeps my mind occupied all the time. I like that.

I don't read lately. Or watch TV. I hope I passed the exam. Then I can go on working on my diploma. Well, start working on it actually. At least I have practical part of it already done, and my knowledge about the subject is good.

At least the weather in September is very nice. Perfect day for cycling..

Today I did some organizing. I have tough exam on 6th of September, just collected all the material for it, and there's a whole bunch. I've made a list of my unfinished projects, which I do besides work, there's seven of them. I have one tough project at work to finish, which is caousing me lots of problems and nerves. I have to finish diploma by end of this year, and I have vacation soon, of which I'm not even looking forward of.
My relationship with a girl I still love, is coming to an end, I feel unaesy and nervous most of the time. Tomorrow I signed up for a cycling marathon, 70 kilometers long, whichg I'm not sure I can manage.
The weather sux.


Material for my next exam..

Grapes

Grapes are getting rape. These are just brought from our wineyard, not completely ripe yet..
It was a bad year for wine. First it wasn't warm enough, and there was too much humidity. Humidity results in many diesases. Then there are birds who are eating grapes just as they're getting ripe. And deers, they also made a big damage..

Making wine is a hard business.

Jabolčni štrudl (Apfelschtrudel)

"Štrudl" made by my mother. It's desert very traditional for Slovenia, it's also Austrian traditional food. It's made od dough with apple filling. Tasty stuff.

"Miss You Like Crazy"

I miss you like the sky misses the birds I miss you like a song without the words And everyday away from you it hurts 'Cause I'm missing you like crazy I miss you like the sun misses the day I need you like the desert needs the rain And baby it's driving me insane 'Cause I'm missing you like crazy I'm missing you like crazy

Picnic

We had a family picnic, it was my grandfather's birtday. 86th.

My grandfather used to be very tough guy, not showing any emotions and like that.. It was very touchy to see, when his eyes got wet, when we sang him "happy birthday". It must be nice, when so much people come together, and they all come from you. Your sons, doughters, their families, grandsons, grand-grand sons ... They all exist because of him. Me afteral.

I tried to look happy, though I feel like I'm collapsing inside.
I don't understand people, or myself. I never believed such problems could accur to me, I thouht my love life is so pure, special, it can't be shaken or ruined.
Now it is happening to me too. My world is falling apart.

I call her very often, only too see if her tone would change, if she'd show me that tenderness, which only she can. I can sense it right away, even if it's not on purpose. Then a huge stone, what stone - a mountain would fall of my heart.

Batinki

Happy people..

..

I've discoveresd a new passion. Cycling!
How do you like my new bike? ;) It's Trek 4500 Alpha. So far I'm quite happy with it. Can't wait to try it out on some downhill rough ride :P

The roses from another perspective..

Aren't they nice? Huge bush of wild roses by our house. It's awesome this year.